Blogs
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At Therapy with Phoebe, I believe in providing clients with personalized, holistic care that addresses the complexities of their emotional experiences. That’s why I’m excited to share the powerful integration of three transformative therapies: Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy, EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), and Emotion-Focused Individual Therapy. These therapeutic approaches complement one another beautifully, creating a comprehensive healing process that can nurture emotional, psychological, and relational well-being.
Whether you're struggling with trauma, attachment wounds, or emotional regulation, the integration of these therapies offers a unique, tailored approach that can offer opportunities for profound healing and lasting change.
In this blog, I’ll explain how each therapy works and how they can be integrated.
What Is Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy?
IFS is a therapeutic model developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz. It views the mind as a system of different "parts," each with their own unique feelings, beliefs, and functions. These parts usually develop during childhood and can form ‘burdens’ and protective functions in response to past trauma or emotional wounds, and IFS offer opportunities for helping you identify, understand, connect with, and heal these internal parts.
IFS focuses on:
Understanding your inner system: We all have different parts, such as the inner critic, parts that hold pain, shame, self-hate, fear and loneliness, anxious parts, controlling, parts, perfectionist parts, parts that want us to withdraw and shut-down, and many more. Each part can play a role in how we think, feel, and behave.
Reconnecting with your Self: At the core every person is the Self, this is your compassionate, wise, and calm, confident, patient and connected center. IFS therapy helps you reconnect with your Self so it can lead your inner system with kindness, clarity, and confidence.
Healing trauma and attachment wounds: IFS helps heal emotional wounds by allowing you to understand and safely be with your pain/shame/fear/anger, giving each part a voice and a chance to heal.
IFS therapy can be particularly effective for healing trauma, attachment wounds, and emotional dysregulation, it can provide people with deeper self-awareness and emotional resilience.
What Is EMDR Therapy?
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is an evidence-based therapy that can help people process traumatic memories and negative emotional experiences. EMDR works by using bilateral stimulation (like eye movements or tapping) to activate the brain’s natural ability to heal itself. It can be a powerful tool for healing traumatic memories.
Key elements of EMDR therapy include:
Processing traumatic memories: EMDR can help you access and reprocess past traumatic memories, which can reduce their emotional intensity and allow you to gain new insights.
Reducing distress: As you reprocess memories, EMDR can help reduce anxiety, hypervigilance, and emotional reactivity associated with trauma.
Restoring emotional balance: Through the process of reprocessing, EMDR can help restore a sense of emotional balance and well-being, which can allow you to live more fully in the present.
EMDR can be particularly effective for clients who are struggling with trauma and nervous system dysregulation. It can work in harmony with other therapies like IFS to help clients integrate and heal past emotional wounds.
What Is Emotion-Focused Individual Therapy?
Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT) is a therapeutic approach that focuses on understanding and processing emotions. It is based on the premise that emotions guide us toward unmet needs and unprocessed pain, and that by better understanding and expressing our emotions, we can heal and grow. EFT can be effective for clients dealing with emotional dysregulation, attachment wounds, trauma and relational difficulties.
Key principles of Emotion-Focused Therapy include:
Emotional awareness and expression: EFT can help clients become more aware of their emotions and express them in healthy, constructive ways.
Emotional regulation: EFT can offer opportunities for developing greater emotional intelligence and regulation their emotions which can reduce feelings of overwhelm.
Healing emotional wounds: EFT can help clients process difficult emotions like shame, fear, and sadness, which can lead to deeper emotional healing and self-compassion.
Emotion-Focused Therapy can be particularly helpful for those seeking to build emotional resilience, heal from past trauma, and increase emotional intimacy with yourselves and others.
How IFS, EMDR, and EFT Work Together
When integrated, IFS, EMDR, and Emotion-Focused Therapy can form a comprehensive, multi-layered approach to emotional healing. Here’s how they work together:
1. Healing Trauma from Multiple Angles
IFS can help you identify, understand and build a relationship with the parts of yourself that hold trauma, emotional wounds and protective functions, and can help with the release of those wounds.
EMDR can work to process and desensitize past traumatic memories, which can allow you to release the emotional charge associated with those memories.
Emotion-Focused Therapy can help you work through the emotional experience of trauma in the present, offering tools to express and regulate your feelings in a healthy way.
2. Strengthening Emotional Resilience
IFS fosters a deeper connection with your Self, which can become the anchor for healing.
EMDR can facilitate emotional processing by helping you release trauma and integrate new, healthier beliefs.
Emotion-Focused Therapy can empower you to understand your emotional needs and attachment wounds, be better able to regulate your feelings, and build emotional resilience.
3. Building Self-Compassion and Inner Harmony
IFS encourages a compassionate relationship with your inner parts.
EMDR can help reprocess memories that contribute to emotional fragmentation or distress, restoring emotional balance.
Emotion-Focused Therapy can cultivate self-compassion, teaching you how to honor your emotions and needs with kindness and care.
The integration of these three therapies can offer opportunities for comprehensive emotional healing that can address the root causes of trauma, foster deep self-awareness, and promote long-lasting emotional growth.
Who Can Benefit from the Integration of IFS, EMDR, and Emotion-Focused Therapy?
This integrated approach can be helpful for people who are:
Healing from trauma, attachment wounds or emotional pain
Seeking emotional resilience
Looking to improve self-compassion and reduce feelings of self-criticism, shame or feeling of unworthiness
Facing relationship challenges
Looking for develop greater self-awareness
Looking to connect more with their authentic self
Contact me today to learn more about how this powerful combination of therapies.
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If you’re feeling disconnected, struggling with communication, or facing emotional barriers in your relationship, the integration of Emotion-Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT), The Gottman Method, and Intimacy from the Inside Out (IFIO) can offer a holistic approach to emotional healing, relationship growth, and deeper intimacy.
In this blog, I’ll introduce how each of these powerful therapeutic approaches works and how combining them can offer a comprehensive, personalized path to help you and your partner build a more connected, fulfilling relationship.
What Is Emotion-Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT)?
Emotion-Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) is an approach that centers on the role of emotions in relationships. Developed by Dr. Sue Johnson, EFCT is based on the belief that emotions are the key to understanding our needs, desires, and fears in relationships. When we can access, understand, and share our emotions in a healthy way, we can create deeper emotional bonds and more secure attachments with our partner.
Key aspects of Emotion-Focused Couples Therapy include:
Emotion as a guide: EFCT can help couples understand their emotional responses and use them as a tool to communicate better, resolve conflict, and strengthen intimacy.
Attachment: EFCT draws on attachment theory, which focuses on the need for secure emotional connections. It works by offering opportunities to heal attachment injuries and helping partners create a safe space for emotional vulnerability.
Emotional validation and empathy: EFCT offers opportunities for teaching couples how to validate each other’s feelings and needs, which is essential for a healthy, thriving relationship.
EFCT offers opportunities for relationships to break negative patterns of communication, improve emotional responsiveness, and deepen their connection, offer opportunities to create a more secure, resilient partnership.
What Is The Gottman Method?
Developed by Drs. Julie and John Gottman, The Gottman Method is a research-based approach to relationship therapy that focuses on improving communication skills, conflict resolution, and relationship satisfaction. Dr. Gottman’s extensive research has identified key factors that can contribute to long-term, successful relationships, including how partners manage conflict, express affection, and build shared meaning.
Key principles of The Gottman Method include:
Building friendship: The foundation of any strong relationship is friendship. Couples are encouraged to learn to build a love map, a detailed understanding of their partner’s inner world and emotional needs.
Managing conflict: Rather than avoiding conflict, partners are taught how to manage disagreements constructively. Gottman’s method emphasizes softening the approach to conflict and de-escalating tension.
Shared meaning and purpose: Couples are encouraged to create shared meaning and rituals in their relationship that reflect their goals, values, and dreams, helping them grow together rather than apart.
The Gottman Method provides couples with practical tools that can offer opportunities for enhanced emotional closeness, resolving conflicts effectively, and fostering a deeper connection.
What Is Intimacy from the Inside Out (IFIO)?
Intimacy from the Inside Out (IFIO) is a therapy approach designed to help relationships cultivate emotional intimacy, self-awareness, and healthy boundaries within their relationship. IFIO places significant emphasis on understanding how personal emotional patterns and past experiences impact the present relationship.
Key components of Intimacy from the Inside Out include:
Self-awareness: IFIO encourages individuals to explore and understand their own emotional needs, vulnerabilities, and triggers. When you understand yourself better, you can communicate more effectively and empathetically with your partner.
Emotional vulnerability: IFIO promotes embracing vulnerability as a strength, which can help partners build a deeper emotional bond and stronger trust.
Healthy boundaries: IFIO helps partners understand the importance of setting and respecting healthy emotional boundaries, offering opportunities to understand and meet each person’s needs while maintaining respect for individuality.
By improving emotional self-awareness and fostering vulnerability, IFIO can help couples build a secure emotional foundation for their relationship, which can enhance intimacy and connection.
How EFCT, The Gottman Method, and IFIO Work Together
Each of these therapies brings a unique strength to the table, and when combined, they create a comprehensive, integrative approach to relationship healing and growth. Here's how they work together:
1. Improving Emotional Connection and Attachment
EFCT focuses on healing emotional attachment wounds and building emotional security.
IFIO encourages emotional vulnerability and can help partners understand and express their own needs, which can enhance emotional closeness.
The Gottman Method can help relationships build a strong friendship and a deeper emotional connection, which is the foundation of a lasting relationship.
Together, these therapies can offer opportunities for emotional reconnection and the building of a secure emotional bond.
2. Enhancing Communication and Conflict Resolution
EFCT offers teaching to couples around recognizing and expressing their emotions in a way that can invite empathy and understanding, which can reduce miscommunication.
The Gottman Method provides communication tools for managing conflict in a way that can minimize damage and strengthen relationships.
IFIO promotes clear communication of emotional needs, offering opportunities for both partners to feel heard and validated.
This combination can help couples improve their communication skills, resolve conflict in healthier ways, and avoid the negative patterns that can erode a relationship.
3. Fostering Self-Awareness and Growth
IFIO can help individuals understand their emotional triggers and needs, which can lead to self-awareness and emotional growth.
EFCT can help partners to enhance emotional responsiveness and create emotional safety in the relationship.
The Gottman Method offers teachings around supporting each other’s dreams and create shared meaning, which can encourage both individual and relational growth.
This integrated approach can help partners grow together, both as individuals and as a couple.
Who Can Benefit from This Integrated Approach?
This combined therapy approach is ideal for couples who are:
Struggling with communication: If you find yourselves getting stuck in negative patterns of argument or misunderstanding, these therapies offer opportunities for more effective communication..
Facing emotional disconnection: Whether due to past trauma, unmet emotional needs, or simple miscommunication, this approach can offer opportunities for rebuilding emotional intimacy and trust.
Dealing with conflict or stress: Couples experiencing ongoing conflict or stress, whether from external pressures or within the relationship, can benefit from the tools provided by these therapies to manage conflict in healthy ways.
Looking to deepen emotional intimacy: If you want to create a more emotionally connected, supportive, and fulfilling relationship, this integrated approach can offer space and opportunity of deeper emotional connection.
Start Your Journey to a Stronger Relationship Today
At Therapy with Phoebe, I’m here to guide you through a personalized, integrative approach to relationship therapy. Contact me today to schedule an appointment or learn more about how this integrated therapy approach can transform your relationship.
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As a counsellor, one of the most meaningful parts of my work is helping clients understand why they feel the way they do, especially when their emotions seem confusing, overwhelming, or contradictory. Internal Family Systems therapy (IFS) is a gentle, empowering approach that can help you explore your inner world with curiosity and compassion.
IFS is grounded in the idea that we all have different parts inside us, like different voices, emotions, or patterns of behaviour, and that each part has a purpose. Rather than trying to get rid of these parts, IFS can help you get to know them and develop a healthier, more compassionate relationship with them.
What Is Internal Family Systems Therapy?
Internal Family Systems therapy (IFS) is a form of part work created by Dr. Richard Schwartz. It is based on the belief that your mind is made up of various parts, each with its own emotions, needs, and roles.
These parts often develop burdens or protective functions in response to your life experiences, especially early trauma and attachment wounds. In many ways, IFS sees the inner world like a family: some parts protect, some react, and some carry deep feelings.
At the centre of this system is what IFS calls the Self, your core, compassionate, calm inner presence. IFS therapy aims to help you reconnect with this Self so it can lead with clarity, confidence, and kindness.
Understanding Your Parts: Inner Child & Beyond
Many people come to therapy already familiar with the idea of the inner child. In IFS, this concept expands into what we call child parts, younger emotional parts of you that may still hold old pain, fear, shame, or unmet needs.
These child parts often carry the burdens of past experiences, especially those related to trauma or difficult attachment relationships. For example:
A child part may still fear abandonment.
Another may feel responsible for keeping everyone happy.
Another may hold sadness that was never comforted.
Instead of pushing these feelings away, IFS can help you gently turn toward them, giving them the attention, protection, and care they never received.
Protective Parts: The Roles They Play
When child parts are burdened by painful memories or emotions, other parts step in to protect you. These might be:
Managers – parts that try to keep life under control (perfectionism, overthinking, people-pleasing).
Firefighters – parts that react quickly when you’re overwhelmed (numbing, anger, impulsive behaviours).
Although these protective parts might feel frustrating, they’re actually trying to help. IFS offers opportunities for teaching you to approach them with curiosity rather than judgment.
How IFS Helps With Trauma and Attachment Wounds
Many adults carry the impacts of earlier relational trauma or insecure attachment without realising it. These wounds often show up through anxiety, emotional reactivity, people-pleasing, or difficulty trusting others.
IFS can provide a safe framework to:
Understand how past experiences shaped your inner system
Unburden child parts carrying trauma
Support protective parts so they no longer have to work so hard
Strengthen connection with your Self; the calm, confident centre of your being
This can make IFS effective for healing trauma, attachment wounds, emotional overwhelm, and longstanding patterns that don’t seem to shift with traditional talk therapy alone.
What an IFS Session Looks Like
In an IFS therapy session, you won’t be pressured to relive painful memories. Instead, we slow down and gently explore your internal experience. You might:
Notice a part that feels anxious or critical
Tune into where it lives in the body
Listen to its concerns or beliefs
Offer compassion from your Self
Help that part release old burdens
Clients often describe IFS as empowering, grounding, and surprisingly nurturing.
Why Many People Connect Deeply With IFS
IFS is powerful because it honours every part of you, especially the parts you’ve learned to hide. Instead of asking “What’s wrong with me?” IFS invites the question:
“What does this part of me need?”
Through this process, clients often experience:
More emotional clarity
Less internal conflict
Reduced anxiety or shame
Deeper self-compassion
A stronger sense of wholeness
Final Thoughts: A Gentle Path Toward Healing
Whether you're healing trauma, exploring your inner child, or seeking a more compassionate relationship with yourself, Internal Family Systems therapy offers a deeply respectful way to work towards understanding your inner world.
IFS reminds us that every part of us, even the ones we struggle with, is trying to help in its own way. With curiosity and compassion, we can learn to lead our lives from a place of calm, clarity, and connection.
If you’re curious about starting IFS therapy or integrating part work into your healing journey, I’m here to support you.
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At Therapy with Phoebe, one of my guiding principles is that true intimacy begins from within. If you're feeling disconnected from your partner, struggling with communication, or facing emotional intimacy challenges in your relationship, Intimacy from the Inside Out Relationship Therapy may offer the insights and tools you need to build a stronger, more fulfilling connection.
This approach focuses on self-awareness, personal growth, and fostering emotional intimacy, not just with your partner, but with yourself. By addressing individual emotional patterns, beliefs, and vulnerabilities, Intimacy from the Inside Out can help couples create deeper, more authentic connections and cultivate the kind of intimacy that is nurturing, fulfilling, and long-lasting.
In this blog, I’ll share an introduction to Intimacy from the Inside Out, explain how it works, and highlight the benefits it can offer for couples who want to improve emotional intimacy, communication, and connection.
What Is Intimacy from the Inside Out Relationship Therapy?
Intimacy from the Inside Out Relationship Therapy is a unique approach that focuses on enhancing emotional intimacy and connection within relationships by starting with the individual self. The idea is simple: true emotional intimacy with a partner is developed by first developing self-awareness, self-acceptance, and personal growth.
This approach blends insights from attachment theory, emotional intelligence, and mindfulness practices to offer opportunities for individuals and couples to understand and heal the inner dynamics that impact their relationships.
Intimacy from the Inside Out offers opportunities for:
Self-awareness: Understanding your own emotional needs, triggers, and patterns.
Personal growth: Taking responsibility for your own emotional well-being and growth within the relationship.
Healthy boundaries: Learning how to set and respect boundaries that foster emotional intimacy.
Vulnerability: Embracing vulnerability as a way to deepen connection and emotional closeness.
Effective communication: Developing tools to communicate honestly, openly, and compassionately with your partner.
Through this therapy, couples not only offered opportunities to reconnect emotionally, but also to strengthen the individual aspects of their relationship that impact the whole.
Why Focus on Intimacy from the Inside Out?
In many relationships, intimacy issues arise because individuals have not yet addressed or understood their own emotional needs and vulnerabilities. Without this internal awareness, partners can unintentionally trigger each other, fall into patterns of miscommunication, or feel emotionally distant.
By starting from the inside out, this approach offers opportunities for you and your partner to:
Understand your emotional needs: Self-awareness is the first step toward understanding your emotional needs and desires in a relationship. When you know what you need emotionally, it can become easier to express those needs to your partner.
Develop deeper emotional intimacy: Emotional intimacy is the foundation of a healthy relationship. When both partners are in touch with their own emotions and vulnerabilities, they can connect on a much deeper level.
Improve communication: When you understand yourself better, you can communicate your feelings and needs more effectively, leading to fewer misunderstandings and more compassion.
Create stronger emotional bonds: The more you understand and respect each other’s inner worlds, the stronger your emotional bond will be. This can result in greater affection, trust, and long-term relationship satisfaction.
How Intimacy from the Inside Out Works in Therapy
In Intimacy from the Inside Out Relationship Therapy, the process involves both individual and couple work. Here’s how the therapy typically unfolds:
Building Self-Awareness
The first step in therapy is to develop self-awareness. This involves understanding your own emotional triggers, patterns, and past experiences that affect your present relationship. We will work together to explore your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors and how they shape your interactions with your partner.
Exploring Emotional Vulnerabilities
Once you gain self-awareness, the next step is to explore your emotional vulnerabilities. What are your deepest fears or needs in the relationship? Do you have any unresolved emotional wounds from the past that may be influencing your present? We’ll create a safe space to explore these emotions without judgment or shame.
Creating Healthy Boundaries
Setting healthy boundaries is a key component of emotional intimacy. In this phase, we’ll work on helping you understand what boundaries are essential for you in the relationship and how to communicate them effectively. Healthy boundaries foster respect, emotional safety, and mutual understanding.
Enhancing Emotional Communication
Effective communication is a cornerstone of any healthy relationship. In this therapy, you will be offered learnings of how to communicate your emotions and needs clearly and empathetically. We’ll work on active listening, validating each other’s experiences, and speaking from the heart in a way that encourages connection rather than conflict.
5. Fostering Vulnerability and Trust
True intimacy is built on vulnerability. In Intimacy from the Inside Out, we will offer opportunities for you and your partner to express vulnerability in a safe, supportive way. This can involve sharing your deepest desires, fears, and unmet needs. As vulnerability increases, so does trust and emotional closeness.
6. Strengthening the Relationship
The final phase of therapy involves applying all the skills and insights gained during the process to strengthen the relationship. Couples can work together to deepen their emotional bond, resolve past issues, and create a more connected and fulfilling partnership.
Who Can Benefit from Intimacy from the Inside Out Relationship Therapy?
Intimacy from the Inside Out Relationship Therapy is suitable for any couple who wants to work towards deepening their emotional intimacy and improve the overall health of their relationship. It can be beneficial for couples who:
Feel emotionally distant or disconnected
Struggle with communication or conflict resolution
Want to improve trust and vulnerability
Have experienced past trauma or emotional wounds that impact their relationship
Are interested in developing a more meaningful, emotionally connected partnership
Desire to improve sexual intimacy by addressing emotional barriers
Want to create healthier, more fulfilling boundaries in their relationship
This therapy is ideal for couples who are ready to take an active role in their relationship's growth and are committed to both individual and collective healing.
Why Choose Intimacy from the Inside Out?
This approach emphasizes the importance of personal growth and self-awareness as the foundation for building stronger relationships. By starting with the inner self, Intimacy from the Inside Out offers opportunities for couples to address core emotional patterns, heal emotional wounds, and reconnect on a deeper, more meaningful level.
By focusing on emotional intimacy, healthy boundaries, and effective communication, this therapy can empower couples to break free from unproductive patterns and create lasting, transformative change in their relationship.
Start Your Journey to Deeper Intimacy Today
If you're looking to build a stronger, more connected relationship, Intimacy from the Inside Out Relationship Therapy offers the tools and guidance that can offer opportunities for deep emotional intimacy, effective communication, and healthier relationship dynamics.
At Therapy with Phoebe, I’m here to guide you through the this process. To learn more or to book an appointment, contact me today. Let’s work together to build the emotionally intimate relationship you deserve.
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EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is an evidence-based trauma therapy that offers opportunities to help the brain process painful memories, reduce emotional intensity, and restore a sense of safety in the present.
At Therapy with Phoebe, EMDR is used because it can honour both the emotional and physiological components of trauma, which can help people feel calmer, more grounded, and more in control of their lives. EMDR can be more helpful when combined with IFS.
What Is EMDR Therapy?
EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. It is a structured therapy approach that uses bilateral stimulation (such as eye movements, tapping, or tones) to help the brain process unhealed traumatic memories.
When overwhelming experiences aren’t fully processed, especially events involving fear, shame, neglect, or attachment injury, those memories can become “stuck” in the nervous system. This can lead to:
recurring anxiety
emotional reactivity
nightmares or intrusive thoughts
difficulty trusting others
people-pleasing or shutdown responses
chronic self-criticism
shame or low self-worth
EMDR is an eight stage process that can help the brain reprocess these experiences, which can allow a process of healing.
How EMDR Therapy Works
EMDR is based on the understanding that the brain has a natural ability to heal, similar to how the body heals a physical wound. Trauma interrupts that healing, leaving emotional “scar tissue.” EMDR is an eight stage process that starts with working to achieve safety and stabalisation within the client before beginning memory processing, this may take a number of sessions depending on the client’s internal and external systems. EMDR is not always suitable for all clients.
During EMDR, bilateral stimulation activates the brain’s innate adaptive information processing system, offering opportunities for:
Accessing the memory without becoming overwhelmed
Processing the emotional material and release stuck energy
Integrating new beliefs, such as “I’m safe,” “It wasn’t my fault,” or “I’m worthy of love”
The memory doesn’t disappear, you may simply experience it in a different, less activating way.
Is EMDR Only for Big Traumas?
Not at all. EMDR can be helpful for both “big T” trauma (such as accidents, violence, or traumatic loss) and “small t” trauma, the quieter emotional injuries that shape how we see ourselves, including:
childhood emotional neglect
inconsistent or unavailable caregivers
attachment wounds
bullying
relationship trauma
chronic self-doubt or perfectionism
Some people are surprised to learn that EMDR can help with issues they never identified as “traumatic,” yet have deeply affected their nervous system.
Why Clients Choose EMDR Therapy
EMDR is one of the most researched trauma therapies available today. Many clients choose EMDR because it can offer opportunities for:
helping even when talking about trauma feels overwhelming
supporting both mind and body healing
reducing anxiety and hypervigilance
helping shift long-held beliefs (“I’m not enough,” “I’m unsafe”)
strengthening emotional regulation
supporting attachment repair
fostering a greater sense of self-worth and inner calm
Instead of simply managing symptoms, EMDR can offer opportunities for healing at the source.
EMDR and the Nervous System
Trauma often leaves the nervous system in a constant state of fight, flight, or freeze. EMDR can offer opportunities to restore balance by helping to:
reduce activation in the amygdala (the fear centre)
strengthen the brain’s ability to assess safety
support a more regulated, grounded state
Some clients may experience sleeping better, feeling less on edge, and responding to stress with more confidence.
Is EMDR Right for You?
EMDR therapy may be a good fit if you:
feel stuck in old patterns
experience anxiety, panic, or emotional overwhelm
struggle with childhood trauma or attachment wounds
want deeper healing beyond talk therapy
feel ready to release what no longer serves you
Together, we’ll move at a pace that feels safe, collaborative, and respectful of your nervous system. It is important to note that EMDR is not always suitable for everyone, if this is the case then other approaches can be discussed such as IFS or EFT.
A Gentle Path Toward Healing
Whether you’re navigating trauma, building emotional resilience, or seeking a deeper connection with yourself, EMDR can offer a powerful and compassionate approach to offer opportunities for transformation. My goal at Therapy with Phoebe is to provide a warm, safe space where you can heal at your own pace and reconnect with the calm, grounded version of yourself that has always been there, whether with EMDR or with another approach.
If you’re curious about beginning EMDR therapy or want to learn more, I’m here to support you every step of the way.
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As a counsellor and psychotherapist at Therapy with Phoebe, I’ve seen how powerful it can be when couples learn to communicate more deeply, understand each other’s emotional needs, and reconnect on a heart-to-heart level. If you’re experiencing persistent conflicts, emotional distance, or a sense of disconnection in your relationship, Emotion-Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) could be the transformative approach you’ve been seeking.
Emotion-Focused Therapy for couples is an evidence-based, heart-centred approach designed to help partners understand and address the emotional patterns that influence their relationship. By creating a safe, empathetic space for both partners to express their feelings, EFCT can offer opportunities to restore emotional intimacy, repair attachment wounds, and foster a stronger bond.
In this blog, I’ll share an introduction to Emotion-Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT), how it works, and how it can help you build a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.
What Is Emotion-Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT)?
Emotion-Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) is a specialized approach that focuses on the emotional experiences and attachment needs of each partner within the relationship. Developed by Dr. Susan Johnson, EFCT is grounded in the understanding that emotions play a central role in shaping relationship dynamics. When partners feel safe enough to express their emotions openly, they can better understand each other’s needs, fears, and desires.
The goal of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) is to help partners:
Understand the emotional patterns that contribute to conflict
Strengthen emotional intimacy and connection
Address attachment issues that might be causing disconnection or insecurity
Improve communication and conflict resolution skills
Heal past relationship trauma or unresolved emotional wounds
EFCT can be helpful for couples experiencing relationship struggles, whether it’s ongoing tension, communication breakdowns, intimacy issues, or the impact of past relationship trauma.
Why Emotions Are the Key to Relationship Healing
In Emotion-Focused Couples Therapy, emotions are viewed as signals that help guide relationships. When partners can access and express their emotions without judgment, it allows for deeper connection and understanding. However, many couples struggle to express their emotional needs because of attachment wounds, past hurt, or a lack of effective communication tools.
For instance, one partner might act defensively or withdraw in moments of conflict, while the other might feel ignored or abandoned. These patterns can leave both partners feeling misunderstood and emotionally disconnected. EFCT offers opportunities for couples to:
Identify negative emotional cycles: the patterns that often escalate conflict, like one partner becoming defensive while the other withdraws.
Create a new emotional experience: changing how emotions are expressed and received, partners can create more constructive interactions and emotional closeness.
Reconnect emotionally: reconnecting with the core emotional needs that often get buried under layers of frustration or resentment.
By working through these patterns, couples have the possibility of breaking free from unhelpful cycles and build more trust, understanding, and emotional intimacy.
How Emotion-Focused Couples Therapy Works
Emotion-Focused Couples Therapy involves a structured process that offers opportunities for partners to safely explore their emotions and reconnect with each other. The therapy process typically unfolds in three stages:
1. De-escalation of Negative Cycles
The first step in EFCT is to invite couples to identify and de-escalate the negative cycles of interaction that have become habitual. These cycles often manifest as arguments, emotional withdrawal, or defensive reactions. By pinpointing these patterns, couples begin to understand how they unintentionally contribute to emotional distance.
2. Restructuring Interactions
Once negative cycles are understood, the therapist invites the couple to develop new ways of interacting. This phase focuses on inviting partners to express their vulnerability, fears, and emotional needs. Through this process, partners are invited ti learn how to respond to each other with empathy and understanding, which can encourage the fostering of a more secure emotional bond.
3. Consolidation and Integration
In the final phase, couples are invited to practice new emotional responses and communication strategies to strengthen their emotional connection. The therapist invites the couple in integrating these new ways of interacting into their everyday lives, to help to ensure that the changes stick long-term.
Who Can Benefit from Emotion-Focused Couples Therapy?
Emotion-Focused Couples Therapy can be suitable for couples in all stages of a relationship, including those who are:
Experiencing frequent arguments or misunderstandings
Struggling with emotional disconnection or intimacy issues
Dealing with the aftermath of relationship trauma or infidelity
Feeling stuck in old patterns of communication
Coping with the impact of attachment wounds from childhood or past relationships
Looking to deepen their emotional intimacy and connection
Whether you’re dealing with the aftermath of a difficult event, trying to reconnect after years of emotional distance, or seeking to enhance your bond, EFCT offers opportunities for you get to the heart of the issue and start rebuilding a stronger, more secure relationship.
Why Choose Emotion-Focused Couples Therapy?
Emotion-Focused Couples Therapy offers opportunities for couples to achieve lasting, positive changes in their relationships. Some of the key benefits of EFCT can include:
Improved communication: Learning how to speak openly about your emotions and needs without triggering defensiveness or withdrawal.
Stronger emotional connection: Developing greater empathy and understanding, leading to deeper emotional intimacy.
Healing relationship trauma: Addressing and healing the emotional wounds from past hurts, whether caused by infidelity, neglect, or other painful experiences.
Better conflict resolution: Learning how to handle conflict in a healthy, constructive way, reducing tension and preventing emotional shutdown.
Restored trust and security: Rebuilding trust and a sense of emotional safety, which is essential for a thriving relationship.
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy offers opportunities for a path to healing and transformation for couples who want to strengthen their relationship, heal past wounds, and create a future of emotional closeness.
Take the First Step Toward a Healthier Relationship
Whether you're struggling with communication, emotional distance, or unresolved attachment wounds, EFCT can offer a safe, compassionate space for potential growth and transformation.
To learn more or book a session, feel free to reach out. I’d love to support you both in creating a more connected, fulfilling relationship.
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As a counsellor, one of the most powerful things I witness in the therapy room is the moment a client discovers that their emotions, rather than being something to fear or control, can actually guide them toward healing. Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT) is built on this very idea.
At Therapy with Phoebe, I use EFT to invite individuals to understand their emotional patterns, heal unresolved pain, and build a more compassionate relationship with themselves. Emotion-Focused Therapy can be helpful for people navigating anxiety, trauma, attachment wounds, depression, self-criticism, and relationship struggles.
What Is Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT)?
EFT, is a research-supported approach that can help individuals understand, regulate, and transform their emotional experiences. EFT is based on the belief that emotions alone are not the problem, but when emotions are unprocessed, they can cause intense pain and issues with the relationship we have with ourselves and with others.
Many of us grow up learning to suppress, avoid, or judge our emotions. Over time, this can lead to:
chronic anxiety or stress
emotional numbness
difficulty trusting others
perfectionism and people-pleasing
depression or overwhelm
feeling disconnected from your authentic self
EFT can invite you reconnect with your emotional world in a safe, structured way so you can process what’s been carried for too long.
Why Emotions Matter in EFT
Emotions act like an internal GPS system; they guide our needs, values, boundaries, and sense of safety.
However, when past trauma, attachment injuries, or stressful experiences shape how we relate to our feelings, emotions can feel confusing or overwhelming. In EFT, we slow down and tune into your emotional signals with curiosity and compassion.
Through this process, people can discover:
hidden needs they’ve ignored
emotional wounds that need care
patterns developed for self-protection
inner strengths they didn’t know they had
Emotion-Focused Therapy can invite you understand the ‘why’ behind your emotional responses and offers opportunities for transformation.
How Emotion-Focused Therapy Works
EFT is an experiential therapy, meaning we explore emotions in the present moment rather than just talking about them. This can invite the space for deep, lasting change.
During EFT, we work to:
1. Increase Emotional Awareness
Focusing on noticing and naming emotions without judgment.
2. Understand Emotional Patterns
We explore how your history, relationships, and attachment experiences shaped your emotional responses.
3. Process Unresolved Feelings
Using safe, guided techniques, you can be offered opportunities to process painful emotions like sadness, shame, fear, or anger.
4. Transform Emotional Experiences
EFT can offer opportunities for shifting old emotional patterns and developing new, healthier ones; often replacing self-criticism with self-compassion.
5. Strengthen Emotional Regulation
Tools that can help to calm the nervous system, stay grounded, and navigate overwhelming situations with more clarity, will be offered,
Who Can Benefit from Emotion-Focused Therapy?
EFT is can be helpful for individuals who:
feel emotionally overwhelmed or shut down
struggle with self-esteem or self-criticism
are healing from trauma or attachment wounds
want to improve emotional regulation
find themselves repeating old relationship patterns
identify as highly sensitive or deeply emotional
feel disconnected from their needs or identity
Many people choose EFT because it goes beyond coping skills, it can support deeper healing and offer opportunities for emotional transformation.
What an EFT Session Looks Like
A typical EFT session is collaborative and gentle. You remain fully in control as we explore your emotional landscape together.
During a session, you might:
explore a moment where you felt triggered
identify the underlying emotion driving your reaction
connect with deeper needs, fears, or unmet longing
transform old emotional patterns with new insights and self-compassion
practise grounding or emotional regulation techniques
Why Clients Choose Emotion-Focused Therapy
Many people are drawn to EFT because it can offer opportunities for:
building emotional intelligence
understanding their triggers and patterns
reducing anxiety and self-criticism
healing past experiences that continue to affect their present
strengthening their sense of identity
connecting to their authentic emotions
feeling more confident expressing needs and boundaries
Emotion-Focused Therapy doesn’t just focus on managing symptoms, it can offer opportunities for healing at the root.
A Compassionate Approach to Emotional Healing
At Therapy with Phoebe, my goal is to create a warm, supportive environment where you can safely explore and transform your emotional world. Emotion-Focused Therapy is a powerful approach that offers opportunities for reconnecting with your true self, healing emotional wounds, and building a more fulfilling and grounded life.
If you’re curious about starting EFT or want support in navigating your emotions, I can be here to walk alongside you.
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As a counsellor and psychotherapist at Therapy with Phoebe, one of the powerful tools I use with couples is The Gottman Method, a scientifically-backed approach to relationship therapy that invites partners to build strong foundations of trust, intimacy, and communication. Whether you're experiencing long-term disconnection or facing specific challenges, the Gottman Method invites practical strategies that offer opportunities for improved communication, resolving conflicts, and deepening your emotional connection.
In this blog, I’ll introduce you to The Gottman Method, explain how it works, and highlight the benefits it can offer to couples seeking lasting change in their relationship.
What Is The Gottman Method?
The Gottman Method is a couples therapy approach developed by Drs. Julie & John Gottman, a renowned psychologist and researcher who spent decades studying what makes relationships thrive. Based on extensive research, the Gottman Method focuses on strengthening relationships through effective communication, conflict resolution, and building emotional intimacy. The Gottman Method can be the most helpful for couples when combined with more emotion-focused approaches such as EFT and IFIO.
The method is built around the idea that every relationship has manageable challenges, but it's the way partners respond to these challenges that can make the difference between a lasting, healthy partnership and a relationship filled with frustration and distance.
The Gottman Method combines evidence-based techniques with practical tools that offer opportunities for couples to:
Build emotional connection and trust
Learn healthy conflict resolution strategies
Improve communication and active listening skills
Address and heal past relationship trauma
Foster a deeper sense of emotional intimacy
Strengthen the friendship at the heart of the relationship
Core Principles of The Gottman Method
The Gottman Method is built on seven principles that invites couples to enhance their relationship dynamics:
1. Build Love Maps
A Love Map is a deep understanding of your partner’s inner world; their dreams, fears, likes, dislikes, and personal history. By learning and staying connected to each other’s emotional worlds, couples can build a stronger foundation of mutual understanding and respect.
2. Share Fondness and Admiration
Regularly expressing appreciation, affection, and gratitude can counteract the negativity that can arise in relationships. By focusing on positive aspects, partners can begin to cultivate an atmosphere of respect and emotional safety.
3. Turn Toward Each Other, Not Away
In moments of stress or conflict, partners often turn away from each other by withdrawing or becoming defensive. The Gottman Method encourages couples to turn toward each other for support, offering reassurance, empathy, and connection even during difficult moments.
4. The Positive Perspective
The Gottman Method invites couples to adopt a positive perspective in their relationship, ensuring that everyday interactions are seen through a lens of goodwill. This invites partners focus on each other’s strengths and maintain emotional closeness.
5. Manage Conflict
Conflict is a natural part of any relationship, but how you handle it matters. The Gottman Method provides specific tools for managing disagreements, which can allow couples to work through challenges without escalating into destructive arguments.
6. Make Life Dreams Come True
Couples often have individual dreams, but The Gottman Method encourages partners to work together to understand and support each other’s life goals. This invites couples to create a deeper emotional bond and a sense of shared purpose in the relationship.
7. Create Shared Meaning
The final principle focuses on creating a shared sense of meaning and purpose within the relationship. Couples are encouraged to build rituals, traditions, and a shared vision that can help to enhance their emotional connection and strengthens the bond between them.
Benefits of The Gottman Method for Couples
Couples often choose the Gottman Method because it offers clear, evidence-based tools that address common relationship struggles. The Gottman Method therapy can offer opportunites for:
Improved communication: Learn how to express your needs, listen actively, and engage in healthy dialogue.
Better conflict resolution: Gain effective strategies for resolving disagreements in a way that builds trust rather than erodes it.
Restored emotional intimacy: By building trust and shared meaning, couples deepen their emotional connection.
Stronger friendship: Strengthen the friendship at the heart of your relationship through appreciation, empathy, and shared experiences.
Healing past wounds: Address past relationship trauma or hurt, creating a pathway for healing and moving forward together.
Long-term relationship health: The Gottman Method equips couples with tools to sustain a fulfilling, lasting relationship.
Who Can Benefit from The Gottman Method?
The Gottman Method can be helpful for couples at any stage of their relationship, whether you’re dating, married, or in a long-term partnership. It can be helpful for couples experiencing:
Communication problems or constant misunderstandings
Recurrent conflicts that seem to go unresolved
Emotional distance or lack of intimacy
Trust issues, including infidelity or betrayal
Feeling stuck or dissatisfied in the relationship
Relationship trauma from the past that still affects the present
Difficulty supporting each other’s dreams and life goals
The Gottman Method can also be helpful for couples who want to proactively strengthen their relationship, even if they’re not facing any major challenges. It offers tools that help to enhance connection and build a deeper, more fulfilling relationship. The Gottman Method can be the most effective when combined with more emotion-focused approaches such as IFIO and EFT.
Start Your Journey to a Stronger Relationship
Whether you’re struggling with ongoing issues or want to proactively strengthen your relationship, at Therapy with Phoebe I’m here to help guide you through the process with compassion and expertise.
Contact me today to schedule an appointment or learn more about how The Gottman Method, and other approaches can help you create a stronger, healthier relationship.