RELATIONSHIP COUNSELLING

Understanding Each Other Begins From Within

Relationships are maps of old parts seeking safety — sometimes in ways that disconnect us. With an IFS-informed lens, I explore how each partner’s inner landscape shapes communication, needs, and cycles of conflict or withdrawal. 

Integrated Approaches

  • Intimacy From the Inside Out (IFIO)

  • Emotion-Focused Couples Therapy (EFT)

  • The Gottman Method

Here, compassion becomes the ground from which trust grows. 

In childhood, we adopt ways of being that help us feel safe and secure care. We learn to amplify behaviours that elicit attention and suppress those that do not. One child may grow quiet, another loud—each strategy shaped by the caregiver’s response. These adaptive parts emerge to meet our needs in a world not always attuned to them.

As the brain develops, neural pathways associated with effective strategies are reinforced, while others fade. Over time, these patterns shape how we relate, especially in intimate relationships. We may withdraw, push others away, or strive to earn love through perfection. When our needs go unmet, old fears stir—of rejection, of inadequacy, of being unlovable. Though once protective, these strategies can create distance in the very places we yearn for closeness. Beneath them often lies a tender longing: to be met, known, and loved as we are.

As is best practice, the first sessions will be about gaining an understanding of your relationship and seeing if I, and relationship therapy, is the best fit. If it is agreed that my services are not the best fit, then I will refer you to someone else or discuss individual therapy. During the first session I will see you individually to get to know you both as individuals, to determine whether couples therapy will be beneficial, and to get a sense of how you are both individually feeling about the relationship, then following this you will be seen together.

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"Love is not something we fall into, but something we create. It is the most powerful bond we have, and it's built on trust and responsiveness." Sue Johnson

Therapeutic Modalities

  • IFIO is derived from Internal Family Systems Therapy, and helps partners understand and heal the emotional dynamics in their relationship by exploring their inner "parts." IFS views individuals as having parts that function to protect us in some way, such as through withdrawal, inner-and-outer-criticism, avoidance, anger, vulnerability etc. that influence our thoughts, emotions, and behaviours. In relationship therapy, partners work to identify and understand these parts within themselves and each other, fostering empathy and compassion. The goal is to create a secure environment where each partner can connect with their core Self, to build a foundation for the relationship that the partners want.

  • EFT is designed to help partners strengthen their emotional bond, by exploring and addressing the underlying emotional needs that drive conflict. EFT focuses on understanding and expressing emotions in a healthy way to enhance emotional connection and friendship. Partners learn to recognize negative interaction patterns, such as criticism or withdrawal, and replace them with positive, supportive communication. The therapist helps partners process vulnerable feelings, increase emotional responsiveness, and build trust. By fostering deeper emotional understanding and connection, EFT helps partners resolve conflicts, improve communication, and cultivate a more secure, loving relationship.

  • The Gottman Method is a research-based approach which focuses on improving relationship dynamics. The therapy involves enhancing communication, building emotional intimacy, and resolving conflict constructively. It teaches partners to recognise and address harmful behaviours like criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling, often referred to as the "Four Horsemen." Partners learn practical tools for improving interaction, deepening emotional connection, and managing conflict in healthy ways. Gottman therapy emphasizes shared rituals, mutual respect, and fostering positivity to create a strong foundation for a lasting, satisfying relationship. It combines empirical research with actionable strategies for lasting change.